I'm Back!

I've been gone for a minute now I am BACK!!! I checked my counter and was surprised to see that I still have a lot of people who actually check my blog. I get visits from all over the world. And I get weekly visits from viewers in Virginia, Pennsylvania, Rehoboth Beach, DE, Maryland, New York, etc. Therefore, I figured it was time to post an update on what is new in Shana's world.

Most of my reader's know that I have experienced hardships lately. But through everything you learn and you grow from it. My daughter, Weslee Olivia, made me a better person in her short time on this earth. I have grown as a woman and matured as a person. I am so grateful that God blessed me with such a gift. I know my beautiful baby is looking down on us from heaven.

I must acknowledge all of those people who have been there for my family with phone calls, visits, emails, texts, and random acts of kindness. These people were truly put into our life for a reason and a purpose and we am so incredibly grateful. I really don't want to forget anyone, so if I do, blame my head and not my heart. But special thank you to my girls--Meron, Dena, Kim, Nina, Tenesha, Wura, Courtney, Cheri, Mia, Cacia, Ceanethia, Laquisha, Quintina, Marcel, Maurene--You guys travelled all over the eastern seaboard to be by my side.....I love you forever. Huge Thank You to Francine and Micah Edwards and your family. Words cannot express what your kindness means to me. I am forever grateful to you all and cannot imagine my life without meeting you....I love you! And big thank you to the Wilmington Alumnae Chapter of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc and Connections Community Church for your continued outreach and concern. And Thank You to a host of neighbors, friends, pageant friends, etc who supported me as well!

So what have I been up to? Well.....took a couple months off from work to regroup, but went back early this year. I thought it would be challenging. But the reception I received when I returned was just what I needed.

I also poured myself into helping my Local Miss America Titleholders achieve their pageant dreams. Last month, my teen winner, Tanee DeCosta, placed 3rd Runner up in Delaware's Outstanding Teen. She was a 1st time competitor and did an amazing job. I was so proud. In such a short time, she grew so much. Her platform was very personal to her--Anti-Bullying! Big things ahead for Tanee! Next up....Miss DE in June! Expect Atlantic Coast Pageants to have another great showing through Becky Albini. She is working extremely hard and will no doubt be a shining star in her competition as well.

Tanee in Gown

Reflections

By now, most know that my Angel went to the Lord. Her stay on earth was brief. However, the mark that she has made on the world is everlasting. I will not detail my every thought, feeling, and emotion regarding my baby on this blog post. Everything that I feel has already been said, written, thought, and prayed and is very personal between myself and my child. And know that there will never be a moment that I am not thinking of her and thankful for the honor of being her mother. I have no idea why this happened. But I trust in God that there is a reason and a purpose.

In the aftermath of her loss, I was so blessed to have a solid “sisterhood” of women to step up and show me how much they cared and loved my family. I will however say that it was disappointing that my pageant sisterhood did not do the same. On the day of my baby’s passing, I was supposed to give up the title of “Mrs. Delaware 2011”. Grief-stricken, I was unable to attend the event. I say that this “sisterhood” let me down because not only did a very small percentage of the "sisterhood" reach out with words of condolences, but the Mrs. Delaware Organization/Directorship has yet to reach out as well. No cards. No texts. No emails. Nothing. As wives and mothers, I honestly expected some form of communication from an organization that prides itself on being a family.

My year as Mrs. Delaware was very special and I truly used the year to make a small difference in any way that I could. I was not the type of Mrs. Delaware that aspired to attend Galas and Parades and enjoy the local celebrity status. While I did a limited number of those things, they were not the events and causes that I personally championed and set up for myself. I was the kind of Mrs. DE that got my hands dirty. My husband often poked fun at the fact that he would have to force me to put on my crown (some appearances, it just wasn’t appropriate) and to slow down long enough to merely take a picture. One of my Mrs. America pageant sisters put things in perspective when she expressed to me that my service and dedication to my platform was widely known across the country and that I was a “highly visible” Mrs. DE. I didn’t expect or care if people noticed because my work was for a higher purpose. But it did in a way make me feel good that my outreach efforts were admired.

Unfortunately, the Mrs. Delaware Organization was never an advocate of supporting my reign. In fact, the organization made it very clear from the beginning that they would not support me and did not desire me as their queen. I have no idea why this is the case. Because any personal issues were never brought to my attention like professionals do. Instead, I received retaliation with no basis. No need to go into every detail and tell every story of all of the things that exemplified the organization’s disdain, because in spite of the organization, I had an AMAZING time and am still to this day humbled and grateful for the experience! As a professional, no matter what is going on behind the scenes, you do your job and you do it well. But as a person, no one was going to stop me from enjoying every moment of something that I rightfully earned.

My farewell video says that this year was the “best year of my life”. And it was. But my last day as Mrs. Delaware will always be the darkest day of my life. The hardest thing most women will ever endure is the loss of a child. Despite personal feelings towards me, a simple “I’m sorry this happened” would have sufficed. Instead……silence! As a mother for only 12 hours, I can’t understand how another mother could be so dismissive. But in my month of reflection, I can truly see that some people do not have the ability to step outside of themselves and truly care for those around them. Character isn’t defined by how you treat your friends. But it is how you treat your enemies when they are down as well.

I am blessed to have learned some major life lessons through this loss. So many people have exceeded all expectations and been there for my family in ways that are so humbling. And some people have not lived up to expectations. Just as I had so many plans for my baby here on earth, I learned that life can defy your plans and expectations. I always held the belief that all people are good. I still believe that. But now I see that some aren’t at a stage in life where they are capable in showing their goodness and grace no matter what. All I can do is pray for them and be thankful that I am constantly growing and learning through all of life’s experiences.

My blog has always been a way of me sharing my so-called “random thoughts” and this is one of them. Some may wonder, why not just call the Organization and tell them how you feel. But in my eyes, why even dignify them with a phone call? I am purging all ill-feelings and all malice through my written word. Harboring these feelings keeps you emotionally stagnant and is not a God-like way to live. As I publish this post, all of these feelings are released from me and I can move on and continue to be the best professional, wife, mother, friend, advocate, volunteer, and former Mrs. Delaware that I can be!

I wish you all Love and Light!

Warner Elementary

Over the summer I organized a new uniform drive for a deserving school through an organization called "Shoes That Fit". The challenge was Huge! But we prevailed. I was able to stock the Warner Elementary School Closet with tons of new uniforms and shoes! Basically, when the children come to school and don't have attire that fits, they can go into the closet and get something brand new to wear and to keep. Thank you to all of the individuals who stepped up with individual donations. They went to good use.

I later visited Warner Elementary with Angie Bell (Mrs. Delaware United States) and Dr. Francine Edwards (Mrs. Peach Blossom). Both of these women were instrumental in stocking the closet. To further give back, we had story hour with several Warner students. We were so touched by Warner Elementary, that Geoff is now an active Mentor to a Warner Student and Fran's Husband, Micah, will start mentoring soon as well.

Mrs. Delaware 2012

On November 12th, I pass on the title of Mrs. Delaware to another deserving married woman. It is bitter sweet, but I am excited to move on to the next phase of life. Below are the contestants vying for my title. I am sure they all bring something to the table and could be a fabulous Mrs. Delaware. But there can only be one winner! Excited to find out who she will be. Check them out! I am not that tech savvy. So to see all of the contestants clearly, visit the website by clicking here.

GOOD LUCK TO THE CLASS OF 2012! Here are your contestants: Christine Rich Mrs. Kent County Melissa Kirk Mrs. Wilmington Tara Greathouse Mrs. Middletown Shannon Hamlin Mrs. Townsend Jessica Schmid Mrs. Dover Maurene Bullock Mrs. Diamond State Mary Anne Bryant Mrs. New Castle County Deborah Nails Mrs. Rehoboth Beach

Posing with 5 of the contestants at contestant orientation on Oct. 9

Last weekend Contestants Christine Rich and Melissa Kirk at the Monster Miles For A Cause. We walked and Raised money in support of Breast Cancer Awareness. Both of these women will be volunteering at the Miss America Local Pageant that I run next weekend and I am so excited to have their help. Special Thanks to Christine Rich for Co-Directing my Uniform Drive for Shoes That Fit. Together we provided the students of Warner Elementary with several new uniforms to stock their closet.

Baby On Board!!

For all of you who don't know, Geoff and I are expecting our first baby in early March 2012! We just found out this week that we are having a baby girl!!! YAY!!! So watch out world, another "Shana" is in the works. I guess I was a little off in my July "Circle of Life" post. I guess the new life that was coming into our lives was our own little baby.

So far the pregnancy has been uneventful but full of emotion. I feel Excited....Nervous....Overwhelmed...Anxious.....Elated....and so Blessed! Our baby girl is truly a precious gift and I cannot wait to meet her. We are starting to prep for her arrival and visited Babies R Us for the first time as parents today. My previous trips to the megastore have never lasted longer than 8 minutes. Grab the first thing I see on the registry and high tail it out of the store. But today was different! We spent about 45 minutes analyzing cribs and cribs alone, 3o minutes in bassinets, 15 minutes in the comfy chair section, and about 20 minutes in regular gear. I think the visit to the store really showed us both how this little lady is going to change our life in so many ways.

Keep you posted on my little diva!